The person who requested I share my opinion on this has asked not to be named.
I realise this can be a touchy subject for some people so before I start I would just like to say that this post isn’t going to be judgemental. Which ever side of the fence you stand on, no one has a right to judge you. This is my opinion and only that and its not meant to make anyone feel bad about their choices and beliefs.
For a long time, pretty much since I was old enough to understand the issue up until about 3 years ago, I identified strongly as pro-life.
The way I looked at it, is the baby had a right to life, whether or not the mother wanted a baby.
In the cases of a pregnancy resulting from a rape, I could understand why the woman in question would feel she didn’t want the baby, but I still figured that is hardly the baby’s fault.
My only real exception to this was in the case where medical complications meant the mother would die or the baby had no chance of going full term, for example an ectopic pregnancy.
About 3 years ago, I joined a pro-life group on Facebook.
I read through some of the discussion going on. The majority of the debate centred around the religious idea that abortion is akin to murder vs the scientific point that until the baby is viable outside the womb, it is not actually a baby, it’s just a ball of cells.
Neither of these arguments swayed me. I am not religious so that was never going to work on me, and although I understand the scientific point and agree that it is a fact, that doesn’t change the way I feel. I think of the foetus as a baby from the point of conception. I know I’m wrong, but that’s just how I feel about it.
So, what changed my mind?
Well, as I read through these points, I found myself getting annoyed.
Who the hell where all these people that thought they had any right to tell another woman what she can and can’t do with her body?
Who where they to tell another woman she had to have this life growing inside her, when, for whatever reason, she didn’t want it in there?
What gave them the right to judge another person’s decision about such a big, life changing event?
And that’s when it hit me – I wasn’t pro-life, I never had been, I just didn’t fully understand that by defining myself this way, I wasn’t referring to my feelings on myself, I was referring to my feelings on everyone.
I always felt that for me personally, abortion wasn’t an option – but that didn’t mean that I thought every woman should be made to have a baby she didn’t want.
And it hit me I was pro-choice.
I believe every woman has the right to choose for herself what does or doesn’t happen in her body and no one has the right to make that decision for her or to judge her.
I welcome comments and debate so please do feel free to state your opinions in the comments. As a blogger, I put myself out there knowing my thoughts and feelings will be judged, but please remember that other people haven’t made that choice, so please be respectful of other people in your comments, and keep them civil. Thank you 🙂
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I am definitely pro life and for religious reasons. The Bible tells us that God knitted us in the womb. And from experience. I saw my Hannah Bug in ultrasound at only a few weeks old. I saw her scissor kick and jump and "knew" her person in that instant. Most pregnancies can be avoided. Much better not to start a life than to end one before it even fully begins.
Life & Faith in Caneyhead
It sounds so sweet seeing your daughter jumping around on her ultrasound 🙂
I totally agree with your last statement and I think due to better education and contraception being more readily available, there are a lot less unwanted pregnancies, although obviously accidents still happen and I feel that taking the decision away from women is a definite step back.
Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Wow what a thought provoking post. Having three children of my own and being absolutely amazed by what my body was capable of each time and watching videos on conception, pregnancy and birth I do agree with you that a baby is a baby from conception and not just a ball of cells like some say. I am totally in awe of biology since being pregnant myself BUT I am pro choice. I think there are circumstances sometimes beyond our control. Not just rape but also unwanted pregnancies and I think a woman has the right to choose wether she wants to continue a pregnancy or not. I can see why some people are so against though, but not everything us black and white unfortunately.
Thank you 🙂 I can definitely see why some people are against it, but I think it's important that we support each other's right to choose. I believe that to have an abortion is one of the hardest decisions a woman can make and being judged by strangers is not helpful at all.
Thank you for sharing your views 🙂
I am completely pro-choice. A women has the right to decide what she can and cannot do with her body. Deciding that you don't want to continue with a pregnancy (for whatever reason) must be heartbreaking and scary. Having judgement from others only escalates those feelings and isolates women not to talk about abortion. Saying that everybody is free to have their own opinions, other wise the world would be a pretty boring place!
I admire you talking about a tough subject!
Becky x
#Sharewithme
I think it must be the hardest decision in the world, and as you say people judging a woman for this is not only unhelpful but cruel. I agree though that everyone has a right to think what they want to, as long as they aren't pushing their views onto others in a negative way, I'm an each to their own sort of girl 🙂
Thank you x
And that is why I'm pro-choice. Yes, I believe that it's a life at conception, but it's not my place to tell anyone else what do do with her body. That is her choice.
Exactly! I would never have judged another person for making that choice themselves, it just took a while for me to realise that's what was meant by pro-choice.
Such a great and honest post! I have always said that I am pro-choice. Personally, I could never get an abortion for personal and religious reasons, but I also agree that no one should tell a woman what she can and can't do with her body. I also have to say, those who claim religion as a reason, I still have an issue with this. I feel that in these cases we have to also think of those who do not believe in God, because we cannot preach religion to these individuals and this is why we have separation of church and state. That's all I will say on the subject at this time.
Thank you for sharing your views 🙂 It is so refreshing to speak to someone who although religious themselves, recognises the need for separation of church and state.
I am so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! I grew up in a very religious home so being pro-life was supposed to be a given for me. However, I am not a religious person and I have met some of these women who have gotten abortions for various reasons and making that decision was one of the hardest things they've had to do. I, too, don't believe in abortion for myself but I do not believe in telling other women what they can and can't do with their bodies. Thank you for sharing!
I know women who have had abortions for various reasons and are still upset about it years later, but still feel it was the right decision. Although an abortion is not something I could imagine having, I love that I live in a country where women can choose whether or not they want a pregnancy to proceed. Thanks for commenting 🙂
I think I pretty much agree with you. I think there would have to be a very serious medical reason for me to abort a baby. But I still think other women should have the choice. It angers me the women that use it as a reverse contraception and have had multiple abortions. But I would like to think if a woman was raped and really cannot face the idea of raising her rapist's baby that the choice is there for her. Great thought provoking post.
Excellent point about the multiple abortions – I do think that by abortion being so readily available there are people out there who abuse it, using it as contraception instead of a extreme last resort. The problem is if there is a limit placed on the amount you can have, not only does it undermine the woman's right to choose (even if she chooses terribly it is still her right to make that choice) but it opens the doors for back street abortions.
I can't even begin to imagine the extent of trauma being raped must cause and to then be judged for having an abortion on top of that is barbaric.
Thank you and thank you for sharing your views 🙂
It's a very difficult subject matter,personally I am pro life but I appreciate people make decisions that are right for them great post thanks for linking to the Binkylinky
It is a difficult subject, and one many people are passionate about. I appreciate people all have their own thoughts on this. thanks for sharing your views. thanks for hosting 🙂
I'm pro-life, but like others have said I can understand those who do decide to have abortions. I would never judge as I imagine it's very personal and also stressful decision to make. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
I think having to make that decision would be an awful place to be in. Obviously everyone had their own feelings about this and I'm not trying to sway anyone, but I do think it's good that you don't judge others who make this decision. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂 And thanks for hosting!
Ohh interesting post, I really am in 2 minds As a Mum I'm not sure if I could ever terminate a pregnancy unless there was something with the unborn child that would hinder life outside the womb. I am a great believer in choice though and what might be right for one person may not be for someoone else.
#binkylinky
I'm not a mum and I've never been in a position to have to make this decision. I think as a mum, you may see this differently because it will make you think of your own pregnancy and baby. I agree that a right decision for one person isn't always the right decision for another. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Pro-choice for sure! I think once we start making decisions for anyone else then we become a society that no longer value or appreciate choices made by those that are affected. This post could cover many controversial topics (breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccines, etc) and in which we all have the choice to make the best decisions for ourselves, our families and our sweet babies! Great post! #momsterslink
I totally agree – once we take the choice away, we are no longer living in a free country but instead a fascist regime. I love that we live in a society where we are free to make our decisions about our belief systems and what does or doesn't work for us as individuals. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Incredible and powerful post on a very controversial subject. Good for you for continuing the conversation with an intelligent and thoughtful piece. I support a woman's right to choose although I like to think in many cases it will be a decision made after serious consideration and i don't think it's an easy choice either way. Great job!
Thank you 🙂 I totally agree – I think a woman who faces this decision must put a lot of consideration into her choice and probably goes back and forth on the decision a lot. I think it's one of the hardest decision anyone can make. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
My pleasure. Back again for #AnythingGoes but still really love this post.
Thanks again 🙂
This is a very touchy subject for most but you wrote it very well Debbie as always. I too am pro choice and always have been. I myself could never go through aborting a child but I believe every woman has the right to make that choice. Thanks for sharing with #momsterslink.
Thank you 🙂 I was in two minds whether or not to do it but I did say nothing was off limits and I don't want to be one of those people that say that but don't mean it! Thank you for sharing your views and thanks for hosting 🙂
Reading this post I can only wish the debate was just that – a debate. For some this horror is an atrocious reality, to say 'a difficult decision' ' a stressful choice' is probably not even close to the end of the world feeling some couples, women, girls have to face. It's a heartbreaking situation for anyone to be in, so offering love and support, rather than judgement, is I feel, the right choice. x MMT
I agree – I don't think any words can accurately describe how it must feel to have to make this choice. I also agree about the love support – whatever your personal beliefs, judging someone in this situation is beyond cruel. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂 x
This is a tricky topic and i think you dealt with it well Debs. I personally would not abort due to religious reasons however I do believe in free agency and that we have the right to choose for ourselves. It must be very hard for anyone who is pregnant and it is unplanned…As I have never been in this situation I really cannot judge.
Angela
Thank you. I think it must be so hard, especially if you have no one to turn to for help. I haven't been in the situation either. If I was I would like to think that my friends would support me whatever decision I made. I don't think I could have an abortion, but that doesn't mean no one else should. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂 x
Wow this is such a tough topic. I do not think that anyone has the right to judge someone else for a choice they made. I am pro-life because I believe the baby is a baby from the moment it is convinced. I also believe that if you don't want the baby you can give it up for adoption to a family who cannot have a baby. Even though I feel that way I cannot tell someone else what they can do with their body. I am not God and I cannot judge them for that. Thanks for this amazing post on such a hard topic.
Kristen
http://mustachesandprincessmom.blogspot.com
To an extent I believe that in some situations adoption is an ideal solution. However, that brings it's own set of problems, emotions and judgement and it's not for everyone. I totally agree that no one has a right to judge anyone else for their choices. Thank you and thanks for sharing your views 🙂
I've always wanted to be pro-life, but deep down I know that there are plenty of situations that justify the alternative. Its not for me to judge others for the choice that is right for them
I know exactly what you mean. As I said in the post, for years I thought I was pro-life and only after looking into the true meaning of both terms did I realise I'm actually pro-choice for exactly the reasons you mention. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
I really don't know if I could go through an abortion for any reason other than medical complication. But, as you say, I certainly wouldn't want any other woman to be forced to go through a pregnancy and birth she didn't want.
I always say the same – that I couldn't go through with it unless it was a medical necessity, but the truth of the matter is, I don't think any of us actually know that for certain until we are in that situation. I agree that forcing a woman to carry a child she doesn't want is such a step backwards. if that was ever allowed to happen, we would have to wonder what's next. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Tough subject this week! Good thoughts on a sensitive subject – I can see it from both angles tbh #AnythingGoes
I can see both points of view and I think everyone has a right to believe whatever they want. The hard part is often accepting that people see things differently and there are no right or wrong answers. Especially on such a touchy subject. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Back again from #anythinggoes I agree with Luke it's a sensitive subject, but one that needs to be talked about
It is a sensitive subject. I know it can make people uncomfortable talking about it, especially when others are so quick to attack people for their beliefs, but I think the more open we are about our thoughts on the issue, the less taboo it becomes and the more support is available for women who find themselves having to make a decision like this. Thanks again 🙂
This is really interesting. I agree with you, though, that the issue between pro life and pro choice is not about how you feel for yourself or how you view a foetus, it is whether you believe the choice should be each individual person's, or whether you think your view should be imposed on everyone.
I can understand pro-lifers viewing a foetus as a person from the start (I don't agree personally – I believe the issues are whether they lose anything, and for that I believe you need consciousness and knowledge of your life, and whether they have an individually sustainable life.) However, what has always confused me about the pro-life movement is the lack of consideration about the lives that children born to people who did not want them might have. Yes, some of the mothers will adjust when the child is born, some of the children will be happily adopted. But for many, they will be raised by people who resent them, they will be in care, they will be born into poverty because the parents knew they could not support a child, they will be born to parents too young to cope, they will live knowing their father was a rapist and they remind their mother of him. & they will suffer and be damaged by these circumstances. It is not rational to me to care about the rights and 'feelings' of a group of cells that have no awareness, no ability to suffer, but not to care about the lives you would condemn living, conscious children to if you force parents to have them.
That's how I see it. But, ultimately, I understand and accept that there are people who don't agree with abortion, and their reasons. But they don't have to have abortions – they are getting to do as they wish with their bodies and their families. Legalisation of abortion is not imposing anything on them. I do not accept that they should have the right to decide for others and impose their views by banning it.
I admire being willing to go into this sensitive subject, & think you have done it in a very balanced way. #anythinggoes
I know on a rational level that a foetus isn't a baby until it is viable outside the womb, but in my head I can't help but think of a baby. I still don't think that gives me or anyone else the right to force a woman into a pregnancy she doesn't want though.
You raise some excellent points about the quality of life an unwanted child can have. Obviously there are some success stories – the mother that looks into her child's eyes and realises she does want to be a mother, or a successful adoption. Unfortunately I think in the majority of cases this doesn't happen. The woman in question is likely to resent the child because she is now forced to care for it when she didn't want that responsibility for whatever reason.
This puts that child at risk of abuse, neglect and so many negative emotions because children sense when they aren't wanted.
I understand that pro-lifers value life in all forms, including foetuses, but for a lot of them it ends there. I have spoken to a lot of reasonable pro-lifers who do care, but I have also spoke to extreme ones who don't seem to have any regard for what will happen to the child, they just see it as a victory that the child was born.
One of the most stomach churning examples of this was one I encountered about 18 months ago. A pro-lifer was bragging on her social media that she had convinced her niece not to abort, and that she had saved a baby's life and so on. Her niece was a 14 year old child who had been raped. I see no victory there, just potential heart break. I do understand that this is an extreme case and probably deep down most pro-lifers would agree that carrying and raising that child would be damaging for both of them.
I think by banning abortion, it is not only a massive step back for women, but where does it end? If you take one choice away, why not more? Also a woman desperate enough to want to abort will, in many cases, resort to back street abortion which cannot be allowed to happen in this day and age.
Thank you and thank you for sharing your views – you have given me much food for thought here 🙂
This is a very touchy subject, but I think you handled your post well with a preface about how you wouldn't judge anyone based on their beliefs. I am 100% pro life, as I am religious and I do believe that abortion is murder. Yet, I also respect anyone who has a different belief. #AnythingGoes
Thank you. I would never judge anyone based on their beliefs. We all have a right to think whatever we want to. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
This is a great post- I like the way you've set it out. I think I'm the same as you – abortion wouldn't really be an option for me but I not going to force my opinions on others- who am I to dictate how others lead their lives? #anythinggoes
Thank you. That's exactly how I feel about it. Each to their own! Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
You were brave to talk about such a highly sensitive subject – people feel very strongly one way or another. I think you did it wonderfully & I've enjoyed reading the comments & different views. I have always been pro-choice but don't think I could abort a baby myself. There's no way to know the situation women are in or how they feel when they have an abortion & I don't think it's right for other people to judge that. But, on the other hand, I don't approve of abortion as a contraception. It's a really tough subject! Thank you for hosting #AnythingGoes x
Thank you. I've enjoyed the comments too – to be honest I was expecting a lot of negativity but I love how everyone has stated their views in a way that is respectful of others views too. It is a tough subject and I agree with you that abortion should be a last resort rather than a contraception. Thanks for sharing your views and thanks for linking up 🙂 x
what a very interesting and well written post! when I was a very young girl, I had an abortion. It was because I knew I was too young, I didn't love the guy. Yes, I should have been using protection, but we all make mistakes when younger. I had nightmares for years and it still upsets me now, the guilt I feel. Now I have a little boy, I would never go through that again, but looking back, I do think I made the right choice. I wouldn't have been able to give that child the life I can give my son now. xxx #twinklytuesday
Thank you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt. I'm glad you made the choice you felt was right for you. I totally agree – we all make mistakes, hindsight is a wonderful thing! Thank you for being brave enough to share your story 🙂
Wow, what a difficult topic! Thank you for writing about it so sensitively. I'm a Christian, and am pro-life. However, I believe that God loves us all, and that life is complicated. One of my best friends had an abortion when she was younger and I know she regrets that decision now. I think it's so important to know what you're getting into if you do make the choice to have an abortion, as it's a life or death decision. x
I totally agree that it's not a decision to be rushed, I think it's important to be 100% sure it's what you want to do, whichever way you choose. I'm sorry to hear your friend regrets her decision, it must be a heart breaking position for her to be in. Thank you for sharing your views 🙂 x
Fair play, not a topic I'd typically touch with a barge pole. My stance to this as to most things is your body, your life, your choice.
#twinklytuesday
To be honest, I nearly bottled out of publishing it, but I'm glad I didn't now, all the comments so far have been sensitive to people's feelings which was my main worry. My thoughts exactly – each to their own. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
I couldn't agree more with your post. I am pro-choice for women, however I couldn't personally go through with an abortion unless medically necessary. I have written about this previously on my blog when I discovered I was unexpectedly pregnant with baby #4. Even the thought of doing it didn't sit well with me however I respect women who have them for whatever reason.
Thanks for writing such a delicate article!
I think everyone is different and you have to make the decision that feels right for you. Congrats on baby 4! Thank you and thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Visiting this time from #AnythingGoes 🙂
Thanks for stopping in again 🙂
It's a very sensitive topic and strong of you to share your options and your side of the view. I fully respect that. I don't know which way sways me the thought of either is just scary to me for each scenario that is brought up. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me, I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round. #sharewithme
Thank you. I agree, it's one thing discussing the issue in theory, but to actually make the decision is something I couldn't even imagine. Thanks for sharing your views and for hosting – I'll be there 🙂
It is a really tough one and until you are faced with those decisions or perhaps other circumstances that may alter your life or opinion, its not right to judge others, but only your own circumstances and what you choose to do. Very mature and unbiased post. Thanks for linking with #ShowcaseTuesday
I agree – actually being in this situation must be heart breaking and discussing it in theory is obviously nothing like making that choice. People, myself included, often think they would act a certain way, or do a certain thing until they find themselves in that position. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your views and for hosting 🙂
I think I'm very much in your camp with this. I am pro choice, but for me personally it would be a very difficult choice to make. There would have to be very significant reasons for me to terminate, but I understand why women do.
I struggle with using religious reasons to justify the prolife debate if I'm completely honest because to me the bible is a set of wonderful stories that provide guidance, but we also have the right to formulate our own judgements too.
I totally agree about the religious argument – the bible is very metaphorical and open to debate. It also waters down the argument for me when you have devout catholics arguing that abortion is against their religion but they are practising sex outside of marriage and using contraception. I am not for a second saying they shouldn't do either of those things, just that you can't use religion as an argument for something if you don't do it across the board. Thank you for sharing your views 🙂
This was a really thought provoking post. I've always considered myself pro choice- I personally would probably never be able to go through with an abortion unless medically necessary, and I don't like the concept of them personally but I've always thought that it is a different situation for every woman so what right does anyone have to assume they understand that womans life and tell her she cant make an informed choice? Rambling a little but I guess m views pretty much match yours #myfavouritepost
I totally agree – everyone is different and they have to make the choice that's right for them. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Hi Debbie, A really interesting post. I agree with your point that no one should be able to impose their views on others. A woman should have the right to decide what to do with her body. Prior to having my boy, had I had an accidental pregnancy, I think I could have had an abortion. Now that I have my boy the idea that a foetus turns into a baby (and in my head it is still a foetus until it could live without support out of the womb) would prevent me personally from having an abortion. I just don't think I personally could go through with it. I am most definitely pro-choice though and always will be. Everyone is different and everyone should have the choice. x
I don't have children, so I don't speak from experience but from some of the comments here, I think it must be harder to have an abortion once you are a mother which I can totally understand. I agree – everyone must make the choice that's right for them. Thank you and thanks for sharing your views 🙂 x
I think you and I fall very much in the same place. I would never, ever, ever have an abortion myself. In fact, I declined the amniocentesis recommended by my ob/gyn with my identical twins because I know there was nothing at all that could make me consider termination, not even risk to me. But I am pro-choice. It is an enormous commitment to grow a child (or in my case two) inside your body and no woman should be forced to do it against her will.
That said, I do understand the idea of putting limits on the point in gestation at which we, as a society, consider abortion to be moral. I think it's pretty clear that at 40 weeks, a baby is a person with his or her right to live, regardless of the mother's thoughts on the matter. My daughters have a dear friend who was born at 24 weeks. Her mother will never have answers about why she went into labour so easy, but no one can tell me that choosing to ease a foetus at 24 weeks to its death is anything but infanticide. As medical interventions get better and better, the age of viability gets pushed back. I think the line of where abortion becomes a matter of the interest of the child vs the interest of the mother is getting pushed back.
Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
Am amniocentesis test seems like a pointless risk to your babies if you know you would want to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway, I'm glad you stood up to your ob/gyn and refused it!
I totally agree with your point about drawing the line – I think past a certain point you have given up your right to choose. Personally, I think once a baby is viable outside the womb, abortion should be taken off the table except in extreme cases where there is no hope of the baby surviving the pregnancy – to force someone to carry a baby knowing it's not going to make it is inhumane. I think the cut off point for other circumstances should be around the 16 week mark.
That's amazing about your daughter's friend – he/she must be a real fighter!
Thanks for sharing your views and for hosting 🙂
I was always Pro-Choice when I was younger but have gone through terrible heartbreak in my life, which changed my views, however, I would never judge someone for their choices, but wouldn't be my choice.
Great post #ShowcaseTuesday
I'm sorry to hear that you had something bad happen Dianne. Our life experiences often influence our feelings on issues such as this I think. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
Wow, this is a really ambitious post and a very controversial subject to write about. I am of a very similar opinion to you. Personally, I wouldn't consider having an abortion but I respect the right of all other women to make their own decision. It is their body and their pregnancy and they can make their own choices in what to do with it. Thanks for linking up such a brave post to #SundaysStars. Hugs Mrs H xxxx
Thank you – I did debate not posting it, but I opened the door to suggestions and it felt wrong to shy away from it after I asked. I think it's something that you have to do what's right for you and everyone is different. Thanks for sharing your views and for hosting 🙂 x
A very well handled and brave subject to post about Debbie. Like you, I used to think I was pro-life. I never really thought about it. But when I actually sat down to think about it and read about it, I realised actually I'm pro-choice. Because although I wouldn't have an abortion (I believe the foetus is a baby), I think every woman has the right to a choice based on her own circumstances. #twinklytuesday
Thank you. I agree. Much as I wouldn't choose the option for myself, I think forcing someone into carrying a baby they don't want goes against everything I believe in. Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
This is interesting; I teach about this in my Ethics class every year. It's challenge me to look at the definitions of the words again – I've read a few comments that implies the commenter is pro-life for themself but pro-choice for others. Really interesting. #BlogBounce
Thank you 🙂 Teaching an ethics class sounds great, you must hear lots of different perspectives on issues such as this, must make for an interesting discussion. I think that's how I would word it for me. Just because I wouldn't choose to do something doesn't mean I have a right to try and influence other people's choices! Thanks for commenting 🙂