I’ve heard a lot of discussions about whether or not friends with benefits is ever really possible. I think the answer is both yes and no (way to straddle a fence).
Seriously though, I say that because I think it depends on the situation and the people involved.
Firstly, I think for it to work, you need to have an honest conversation about it – decide how it will work for you.
Is it just a casual thing if you run into each other, or will it be planned?
Are you ok with 3am booty calls?
What happens if one of you meets someone else?
What happens if one of you decides they want more?
If you can come to an agreement on these points, I think it can work.
If the thought of having this conversation with someone horrifies you, then I would question how you would feel comfortable enough to have sex with them.
I believe for this to stand a chance of working, you have to maintain honest communication and have some sexual chemistry.
I guess that leads to the question of if you are that close to someone you can talk openly, and you have great chemistry, why wouldn’t you want a relationship with them?
Maybe you just aren’t in a place where you want a relationship with anyone.
Maybe, for all of the above, you still know deep down that a relationship would never work long term for whatever reason.
Maybe you just want hot sex without any strings and don’t like the idea of trawling bars and going home with a stranger.
Maybe you just don’t want to put a traditional label on it and put unnecessary pressure on it.
Maybe you don’t even want the sex, you just have an occasion where you need a date. Your friends with benefits agreement might stretch to this kind of thing, but if it doesn’t, there are options out there including escorts London who would happily accompany you to a party, function etc.
Whatever the reason, I think you can make it work.
Where it doesn’t work, is if you don’t talk about it, especially if one of you has feelings for the other one. Then I think you are entering territory where someone is being used.
I don’t think this can ever work if one of you secretly wants more and hopes it will grow into something. You will come to resent the other person, and feel used, even though they have no idea you feel this way. In turn, they will resent you for making them feel bad when they thought you where in the same place as them.
Ultimately, I think with honest communication and mutual respect, you can make it work, and still be friends at the end of it.
Without communication, it could be that one of you thinks you are in a relationship, while the other one doesn’t.
Remember that scene from Community where Jeff is hooking up with his teacher?
I can’t remember the exact wording, but it’s something along the lines of her asking how would he describe her after sleeping together every night for three weeks if not his girlfriend.
He responds “the best friend ever!”.
You know that’s going to get pretty messy!
What do you think? Can it ever work or will it always end up messy? Have you/would you ever try this type of arrangement? Let me know in the comments 🙂
mmm A tough one – I think inevitably someone will get hurt.
You're probably right – it would be hard to stop if you started feeling something for the other person!
It could be fun but someone will get hurt. Don't know about others but sex for me is too intermingled with my heart. Friends with benefits could be a bit of a disaster x
It does have potential to be a disaster but I know people it seems to work for – either that or they are just good at hiding their feelings 🙂 x
I think it depends on your feelings about sex. Some people can have Alex without emotion and others not. I was never a fan of the 3a.m. booty call as I always wanted the hearts and flowers beforehand so it wasn't for me!
I'm not that bothered about the hearts and flowers, but I don't like the 3am booty call – to me it says they didn't get a better offer!
Should say sex not Alex sorry and popping in from #MMWBH
Lol, I did wonder!
You are on a controversial role my friend, first STD talk then friends with benefits lol I love your open & honest look at life's closeted topics! I don't think it'd work long term & could ruin the friendship too – if the two are good friends, it's a big risk. #brilliantblogposts x
It's starting to seem that way lol, I just like talking about things that are a bit different. I don't think it would work long term, but I think short term it has potential. It is a risk though x
I've had success with this in the past, but open communication right from the start is key. Eventually one party decides they are ready to be in an actual relationship, and it gets awkward. Not everybody can pull it off, even if they think they are going to be OK with the situation. Again, honest communication is key to avoiding somebody getting hurt
I agree totally about the communication. Maybe to avoid someone getting hurt, it could help to give it a time limit at the start then no one has to end it and upset the other person.
time limit is good. I actually have a 3 month rule for a while. I was such a dick. lol
Lol, at least you were honest about what to expect!
I don't think it will work for me as I'm an emotional person and I get involved very easily so I would prefer to not get into that area! It all depends on the personality, some people are up to it and works perfect for them and there are people like that would rather do a step back before it is too late and one gets hurt. Like controversy. Great post! 🙂 xx
#brilliantblogposts
http://www.amomentwithfranca.com/
I think there has to be a definite line separating sex and emotions in this situation and I know a lot of people would find that idea kind of gross. Thank you 🙂 x
Even with open communication, it may work for a little while, but someone will end up getting hurt.
The problem is when it ends, you've not only lost a sex partner, but a friend as well !
That's true, I guess you also have to assess whether or not you are willing to lose the friendship.
Speaking from personal experience, friends with benefits NEVER worked! With that said though, the "friend" turned out to not be a friend to begin with and there was no real communication about it. Also, I had a boyfriend once who kept yo-yo-ing me. One day we were a couple, one day we were "friends with benefits" Turns out, he used that excuse on me so he could sleep with other women. I'm in a different time of life right now though. Seperated for three years but no legal divorce yet and not fully ready to start dating so I don't know how I feel about it now. I think, in the long run, I would much rather have an open, honest, trusting, and healthy relationship than to have "friends with benefits". This is a very interesting topic! Thanks for sharing! Visiting from #anythinggoes
I have to say your ex sounds like a real nasty piece of work. It is one thing to agree to that arrangement, but it's another thing entirely when someone is using the term as an excuse to play around! Thanks for sharing your experience, I love reading other people's opinions 🙂 Thanks for linking up!
Personally, I think it's a recipe for disaster. However much you discuss it, I suspect someone will always end up getting hurt, whether they admit it or not. Having said that, it's not something I've ever tried, so who knows, perhaps at the right time with the right person it's possible!
I see what you mean – I guess if you're really into someone, you might go into this expecting something to develop but pretending you're totally cool with it.
I think it can work, very rarely, but usually, no. I don't think you often get a situation where genuinely there is not one person with stronger feelings. I have only ever done this once, briefly, & it did work. But we were young, & we had an unusual relationship anyway. We had chemistry, and we had a good friendship, but we both knew that we could not have been a couple. As friends we could walk away from the differences we had, but as a couple we would have driven each other crazy. I have never been a one night stand person. I prefer people I know and am comfortable with. So, yeah, it did work for us, there was never any fall out. But I think that was a combination of the time in our lives & the unusual nature of our connection to each other that made it doable. Never thought I'd be writing this in a comment anywhere! #anythinggoes (literally today, evidently!)
I totally get where you are coming from – your situation is exactly the kind of situation that I think it can work in. Chemistry and closeness, but that one (or more) reasons you know it could never work as a relationship.
Thanks for sharing your experience, it seems like its been a bit of a surprise for you lol! And thanks for linking up 🙂
Maybe other people could but I know I'm not cut out for that kind of friendship.
#anythinggoes
I don't think it's for everyone, some people like the idea of it, while others don't. I think, for me, it depends on the situation. Thanks for linking up 🙂
Personally, I don't think it's a good idea. Someone is bound to get hurt, and I think that sex should be saved for marriage/true love. I know.- I'm completely "old school!" #anythinggoes
There's nothing wrong with being old school 🙂 Thanks for linking up!
I couldn't do it because here I am 20 years later I am with the same guy because I had a one night stand and fell in love. Absolutely hopeless I tell you! Mel xx #AnythingGoes
That's not hopeless, it's really sweet! Thanks for linking up 🙂 x
I started going out with my husband when we were still at school so I didn't have chance to really experiment with this stuff. However, I reckon it could work as long as neither party goes into it hoping for more.
Thanks for hosting #AnythingGoes
Aww, you married your childhood sweetheart 🙂 I agree, both parties have to be on the same page. Thanks for linking up 🙂
Interesting post. Sometimes I think things like this are 'romanticised' in movies which gives people the wrong impression of these types of relationships. Not sure if it could ever work out long term. #AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 Yes, I think a lot of movies are responsible for people thinking "oh if I does this we are bound to fall in love and get married". I don't think it could work long term really, I think it has to be a short term thing. Thanks for linking up 🙂
I don't think I could agree to such arrangement, I'm a loyal person and a bit conservative, so It won't work for me… It might be ok for others though but not for me… #AnythingGoes
Each to their own! I do think the arrangement will only work if you are both 100% comfortable with it. Thanks for linking up 🙂
Interesting post – another racy topic! I'm sure there may be cases where this could work, but I would think that's the exception rather than the rule… #AnythingGoes
This month's theme is love, sex and relationships but it seems love has taken a back burner so far lol! Yeah, I agree, I think it can only work in certain circumstances. Thanks for linking up 🙂
It would never work for me (obviously im married) but even as a single person id want to have more and feel used in the end.
Angela
That's why I believe honest communication is key for it working. If you felt that way but pretended not to, it would definitely end in someone getting hurt! x
I'm the type of person who falls in love deeper with physical touch, kissing or touching or more. I would be hurt by this type of relationship and it would ruin a friendship! That's just me though, it could work for others.
I think it can only work if you are both on the same page, and if you feel like this, then I agree you would end up hurt.
I am LOVING the variety of your seemingly "taboo" topics recently. Refreshing.
As for this one. Oi vey. As much as I admire the confidence and self – assurance of those that choose to participate, I am an emotional and sensitive soul and I would end up hurt. Amen to the freedom that allows us to do whatever we want 🙂
#AnythingGoes
xx
Thank you 🙂 Yes, each to their own. I know it wouldn't work for a lot of people, but I do know a few it has worked for. I guess it just depends on what you are looking for at the time etc. Thanks for linking up 🙂
I have had a few "friends with benefits" encounters in my lifetime that worked out just fine. But I agree that everything must be discussed before hand and followed through to work out. Great post as usual Debbie! Thanks so much for hosting #AnythingGoes!
Thanks for sharing your experience, communication really is key with this kind of arrangement. Thank you and thanks for linking up 🙂
I have heard this go so wrong on so many levels so many times. I don't know any that have ever worked? Can it? It would mean to very unemotional cut off people were involved. How can you not start feeling connected in some way. Tough position to be in. Although been there just have to be open and honest I guess. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
I know a few it has worked for, but it's only ever been short term. I think long term, it could be a recipe for disaster. I think there would be a connection, it's whether or not you can turn it off! Thanks for hosting 🙂