Women fought for years to have equal rights. The right to vote, the right to work for a fair salary and the right to work in a male dominated environment.
Along with that, women fought to no longer be the “good little housewife”.
Women no longer wanted to be the fairer sex, the weaker sex, the homemaker. They wanted to be doctors, lawyers, fighter pilots.
They wanted equality in relationships, to have an equal voice. To be respected rather than protected. To be taken seriously rather than patronised. To be able to be more than just a wife, to have their own identity.
In short, women fought for the right to choose. And, for the most part, we got it.
As a modern, independent woman who believes in equality (I struggle to use the term feminist), I sometimes feel like it can be a double edged sword.
Now, it appears that women somehow think they are “letting the side down” if they choose not to work.
Surely the whole point in fighting for equality was to give us the right to choose?
If a woman chooses to be a stay at home mother, or a house wife, is she really letting the side down? Personally, I don’t think so. I think choosing this path is, in itself, holding the side up as much as choosing to be a career woman.
That housewife who is frowned upon for letting down her gender, and told women fought for her right to be more than a housewife, is actually a woman comfortable to make the choice to live life her own way.
To say this is what I want and I’m dam well going to do to it!
I say good on her.
I sometimes think it would be nice to have days where you don’t have to be strong, and fighting for the cause.
Some days, it would be nice if your biggest worry was whether or not your husband’s tea was on the table on time.
It would be nice sometimes, to be able to let someone else do the worrying about finances etc., to be kept in the dark and told everything would be ok.
And to be able to believe it, and let your partner deal with it without feeling like a failure as a woman.
Obviously, some of that last paragraph was a little tongue in cheek, but I do think that having traditional gender roles in a relationship can work, as can the opposite, and everything in between.
I think it is down to the two people in the relationship to adopt the roles that feel right for them. If that means the woman has a career, while her husband stays at home, then great. If it’s the other way round, also great. Or you might both choose to work.
I don’t honestly know which role I would want. Some days, I feel like it would be nice to let someone else do all the worrying and budgeting, other days I would be perfectly happy to be the one doing it.
Either way, it’s good to know that whatever I chose to do I actually wouldn’t be letting the side down. I would be saying I have made a choice and this is it.
What do you think? Do you ever miss more traditional roles in relationships? Do you feel like you are somehow letting the side down if you don’t have a high flying career? Let me know in the comments 🙂
Oh girl…this is one area I can really get going. I am with you – I think all women should be counted as equal and have the option to make their own decisions. My biggest complaint always has been that we have gone so far the other way that women aren't allowed to want to be feminine or take a traditional female role in a relationship. I want to work, but I believe that a man is the head of the household and that the woman is the heart. Some people might think it's setting women back, I believe I'm just playing to the natural strengths and weaknesses of the genders.
Well said! Why is it suddenly such a bad thing to embrace femininity. I don't think its setting women back at all – it doesn't matter how much society might fight it, men and women are different to each other, and I think it's a good thing. Neither is stronger or weaker, they are equal and compliment each other perfectly.
Absolutely!
Another great topic. The right to choose seems to be ignored in the fight for equality.
Thanks for linking up with #ShowcaseTuesday
Thank you, it does doesn't it! Thanks for hosting 🙂
Really enjoyed this post – something I think about often. I am a stay-at-home mum but by no means a housewife…! My husband works full time but is very hands on with our son and with domestic chores, and I think that is how it should be – I certainly couldn't do it all by myself and I want our son to have a positive role model and not to grow up thinking women do all the dirty work. A great read! Xx
#ShareWithMe
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it 🙂 I agree with you about the role model – you don't want your son to grow up to think a man works and a woman cooks! It's important to show him that its a partnership 🙂
You nailed this when you said that feminism is simply about woman having choices. I love that I have been able to be a SAHM and now I am working to support my family. I wish women were recognised for the silent caring we do in our community. Mel xx #MMWBH
Thank you 🙂 Its great that you were able to make the choice to be both a sahm and to work when the time was right for you. Yes, that would be good! x
So good to be reminded that equality is also about the right to choose and that is something that I feel is taken away from many women with the financial pressure to work. I feel very lucky in that I have been able to choose to be a SAHM and I certainly don't feel like I'm letting the side down by not working. My husband and I do tend to slot into more traditional roles – he works, pays the bills and does the DIY whereas my "job" is looking after the house and children. He is hands-on with helping with the girls when home though and these roles work for us. Great post, thank you for sharing.
I don't think you are letting the side down either, you are making a choice that suits you and your family. If a woman has to work because of financial necessity, than that's unavoidable, but I hate that some women feel pressured into working just because she thinks she should be seen to. Thank you 🙂
You have got it in one. Feminism is about choice. But in the push towards women having careers (which is great) we seem to have lost an appreciation for the value that women (or men0 bring when they care for their family. Being a stay at home mum (and dad) is not easy and is massively undervalued. Fantastic post!!
I think it's fantastic that women have the opportunities to go out and do any job they want to, but I also think they should be allowed to choose not to without all the pressure. I think being a sahm or sahd is the hardest job in the world! Thank you 🙂
I have posted this on my FB page as it is such a good post for discussion.
Thank you so much 🙂
Feminism is totally about having choice and not feeling the pressure either way. I like being looked after by hubby if I'me being honest! I always saw myself as working and having a career but my hubby is the breadwinner and that doesn't bother me. But yep I have chosen that and am glad I could choose otherwise if I wanted xx #binkylinky
It's great having both options. And I agree, sometimes it is nice being looked after 🙂 x
Well I'm male and have been the main carer for my children since 2011. My wife is the one that works full time and I do the domestic stuff. It works for us! #effitfrida
It's great that you and your wife have found the way that works for your family 🙂
Really interesting post I think it's important to do what's good for your own relationship thanks for linking to the binkylinky
Thank you 🙂 I agree, whatever works for you is the way to go! Thanks for hosting.
I'm all for equality when it comes to relationships. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
Me too 🙂 You're welcome and thanks for hosting 🙂
It just comes down to your individual relationship doesn't it? It's got nothing to do with anyone else's judgement. The fact is the traditional gender roles do still exist (whether we like it or not). Live and let live and whatever works for you and all that.
#wineandboobs
Exactly, that's what bothers me. We fight for the right to make choices and then we judge people for making their own choices instead of the ones others think they should make!
Well said! And thanks for linking to #effitfriday. Sorry it took so long to comment!
No problem 🙂 Thanks for hosting!
Think it all comes down to individuals. Hopefully the two individuals in the relationship will agree what works best. I think we are quite traditional in our household but only because thats what suits us all. Thanks for the interesting discussion point #bigfatlinky
Yes, I can imagine it could be quite a problem if the two people can't agree who will be doing what! Thank you and thanks for hosting 🙂
Great post lovely. I agree that it's all to do with choice. We all have to do things we don't like from time to time but that's a different matter. I also think it's about having mutual respect for each other's time…
Thank you 🙂 I totally agree about the mutual respect – one person's social life shouldn't be more important than the other person's.
Great post. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Thank you and thanks for hosting 🙂 x
I think both should help eachother!
My partner works full time and I stay at home with kids but also am a blogger and part-time decorating wooden gifts.
Of course I do the house work but I think when my partner comes home he should do some dishes after dinner time since I have done them 3 – 4 times during the day already. I think it should be shared!
Thanks so much for linking up with #justanotherlinky
I agree, after all, it is a partnership so sharing the workload makes sense. Thanks for hosting 🙂
It's definitely getting more balanced but I don't think it will ever be as it's still a touchy subject among most. Not sure why you would think in this day an age all would be equal by now but traditions good or bad take time to weed out. Couldn't agree with you more here. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
Yes, sometimes, I think people fall into the traditional roles without considering alternatives. It's about finding what works for you, but I think to truly find that, it is important to consider all your options. Thank you and thanks for hosting 🙂
We must have been thinking on the same wave lengths on this week. I love being able to stay home but there are times that I wish I worked just so that my husband didn't seem to think that housework is suppose to be my full time job. And funny thing is he was the messy one when we got together. Great post. Thanks for sharing with #momsterslink and being a great fellow blogger!
Great mind think alike! Its always the case that one of you does the housework and the other one is the messy one lol. Thank you and thanks for hosting 🙂
Fab post! I am all for the equality to choose whatever is right for you, be you male or female, and I am proud to call myself feminist. Because, let's not forget what the word really means – advocating for equal rights (not more, not less) 🙂
Thank you 🙂 Exactly – equal rights, and the freedom to choose whatever suits your family!