Sex before marriage. Should you? Shouldn’t you?
I think it is a personal choice, and you should do (or not do) whatever feels right for you.
I think the main advantages to waiting are:
1. Assuming you both believe in waiting, there is very little risk of STDs (I say very little as obviously, there is still a small chance one of you could have HIV).
2. There is no chance of having a baby outside of marriage if you are religious and this is important to you.
3. I think knowing this is something you have only ever done with each other would make sex more special somehow (although that could just be romanticising the idea).
I think the main disadvantages are:
1. What if you never get married!
2. What if you find you aren’t sexually compatible. Marriage is a much bigger commitment than buying a car, and you certainly wouldn’t buy a car with taking it on a test run right?
3. I think your wedding day is already a big amount of pressure. If you add to that loosing your virginity, its enough to send you over the edge.
4. It would be such an anti-climax. Your first time isn’t fun (or at least I don’t know anyone who says it was for them). It’s not a movie. The first time is awkward, fumbley and something you just want to forget for the most part. That’s not what I would want my wedding night to be like. I think you need to practice on a few Mr Wrongs before hand, so when you do find Mr Right, sex is good.
5. By far the most important one for me, is that I honestly think by waiting until you are married, you are so much more likely to rush into marriage.
I realise the disadvantage list is longer than the advantage list, but if this list was written by someone who had chosen to hold off, they would probably have a lot more advantages that I haven’t thought of.
Actually though, none of the points on my disadvantage list are why I chose not to wait.
So why did I choose not to wait?
I don’t see myself ever getting married. It’s not that I don’t believe in marriage. I do. If money was no object, I think it is something I would want to do.
Until that time though, I just feel that with weddings being so expensive, there are lots of better things I could do with that amount of money. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I love someone. I guess that could change though if I met “the one”. So if I waited until after marriage, there’s a fair chance I’d be waiting my entire life.
The strange thing is, when I came up with the idea of writing this post, I stopped to think about why I hadn’t waited. Some of the points on the disadvantage list made cameos, but the main reason was the one stated above that I can’t see me ever getting married.
As I was writing this post it occurred to me that they are all reasons I have thought up after the event due only to this post.
When I really think back, the true answer to why I didn’t wait is that it didn’t even enter my head that it was an option.
As an atheist, I had no religious reason to wait, and it would never have occurred to me that people wait for non-religious reasons.
So I guess the true answer to why I chose not to wait is that I didn’t consider it as an option. If I had, I still don’t think I would have waited though, and that is for the reasons stated above.
Did you wait/not wait? Why? Let me know in the comments 🙂
Great and very sensible post Debbie…it never ever entered my head to wait I had always presume the primary reason was a religious one…#TheList
Thank you 🙂 I think a lot of people who choose to wait are religious but some aren't.
It never really occurred to me to wait, I just knew I wanted it to be with someone special. Like Tayla I had always assumed the reason to wait to be a religious one #momsterlinkup
Yes, I definitely think its worth waiting for someone special 🙂
Interesting post as usual.
I would be gobsmacked if anyone actually comments and says yes they waited or are waiting !!
Life is too short to wait for anything 🙂
Thank you 🙂 I agree but I think it would be really interesting to hear the views of someone who did wait!
If my parents are reading I totally waited 🙂 I know people in both camps and I'll be honest based entirely on my small, completely unscientific study the waiters were happier with their decision. Having said that I recently heard that the thing most people regret towards the end of their life is having too little sex or too few sexual partners!
Lol, if your parents ask I will back that up 🙂 So maybe short term they are happier and long term they will have regrets!
I agree with you! obviously it's personal choice and i respect others decisions but for me, i did it when i felt ready and yes you're right it was really awkward but i'm still friends with the man i lost my virginity to haha x
Yeah I think as long as you wait until you feel ready that's enough. It's great that you two are still friends 🙂 x
I think it's a personal choice inded. My husban and I were each other's first partners, but it wasn't because we chose to wait. It just happened this way. I do definitely feel that having sex for the first time on your wedding night is a big pressure.
That's got to be a good way for it to work out, when you end up marrying your first. When it is unplanned that takes all the added pressure away!
Personally, I didn't wait until I was married but I did wait until I had met the person that I was going to marry. I have to be in a serious relationship first as it is something very special to me.
I think its sweet when the guy you lose it with ends up being the guy you marry. Its like a fairy tale 🙂
It is personal but for me to honest I sex is such a large part of relationships that I needed to make sure we were compatible before we committed to marriage. We are and 20 years later – we are still going strong. Mel xx #momsterslink
Same here. It would be hard to make a marriage work if there is no chemistry! x
I agree with you….I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first. I think that being compatible in the bedroom is very important for a healthy relationship. Thanks for sharing with #momsterslink.
Me too! I don't think sex is the be all and end of all of a relationship, but I do think its an important part and not being compatible isn't easy to overcome! Thanks for hosting 🙂
I totally waited… OK no I didn't, I could resist! My family is religious and there was definitely some waiting going on there, but not for me. I'm sure it was probably a big deal at the time but I can't even remember the thought process now! Thanks for linking up to #TheList xxx
You had me for a minute there lol 🙂 I think the longer you wait the bigger deal it becomes! Thanks for hosting 🙂 x
Fab post. I didn't choose to wait. I do have religious views too. I think the truth is what you said, it didn't seem to be an option. Every relationship I have entered it seems to be more of a connective point that concretes a relationships strength.
Although I have been married I haven't had a relationship that's lasted. So if I went with choosing not to the potential is that I might not have had sex at all.
Would I wait now though? Probably not for the reasons I said before. I believe you have to have a full relationship in all forms to make it and definitely don't want it to be an anti climax #bigfatlinky
Thank you 🙂 I agree that sex makes the relationship's connection stronger. I think if you never have sex, you're more like really good friends who socialize together a lot.
I like to wait until I know a person reasonably well, but i would want to know them a lot better than that to consider marrying them. Thanks for hosting 🙂