A couple of weeks ago, something happened to me that got me thinking about how we view STDs.
I’m one of those people that isn’t really bothered what opinions complete strangers may or may not have of me, and (believe it or not) I’m not someone who is embarrassed easily, so my reaction to this situation surprised me, and got me thinking.
So what happened?
In my regular doctor’s surgery, there are two main doctors and one locum doctor. Around three weeks ago, I had ran out of contraceptive pills and called my surgery to make an appointment to renew the prescription.
I was informed by the receptionist, that all at the same time, one doctor was on holiday, one was on the sick and the locum doctor had received some bad news and had to return home to his family. I told her what I needed, as it wasn’t personal, and asked if there was a prescribing nurse. There wasn’t. She advised me to call the drop in clinic and make an appointment at the family planning clinic there, which I did, and was given an appointment for the next day.
Now maybe I’m naïve, but I was expecting a family planning clinic to consist of other women seeking contraception, maybe some couples who needed help getting pregnant, maybe even some women for mid wife appointments.
What I wasn’t expecting, was a sexual health (or GUM) clinic. I’m not sure if the receptionist intentionally misled me, or if they now combine the two. There wasn’t any women or couples there, there was me and three boys who looked to be in their late teens.
I try not to judge people who I know nothing about, but in this setting, naturally, I made certain assumptions about why they were there, and I’m sure they did the same about me.
So we all sat in the waiting room, playing on our phones, not daring to look up in case we made unintentional eye contact.
I was called first to my appointment feeling kind of smug – they only take your blood pressure, so I wouldn’t be in there long enough for anyone to assume I was being treated for anything. Wrong!
Because I had never been there before, they had to take all my details, including a full medical history, then the printer wouldn’t work for my prescription. I was in there about 45 minutes.
All smugness gone, I slinked out of that room like a dog caught stealing the Sunday roast. I know everyone was looking at me, and wondering what was wrong down there!
In reality, probably no one thought anything except thankful that I was finally out and not holding them all up anymore, but I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. If we weren’t on the second floor, I may even have attempted to climb out of a window.
And that’s when I started thinking about we view STDs as though they are some dirty little secret. I’m not suggesting they should be worn as a badge of honour, but surely we should cut people who have an STD a bit of slack.
Before you turn your nose up in horror and start with the slut shaming, consider this:
Can you honestly, hand on heart say you have never once slipped up? You never got carried away with a partner before you had tests done? You know 100% that never in your entire life has a partner ever cheated on you?
Having an STD doesn’t necessarily mean you have unprotected sex with strangers (and even if you do, does that give anyone else the right to judge you?). It could mean you got married as a virgin, trusted your partner and he/she cheated and caught something, passing it on to you.
Maybe those boys in the clinic that day (who I admit to pre-judging) were there to get a clean bill of health so they and their partners could both be comfortable in the knowledge they were safe. Maybe they were there to get some condoms.
Or maybe they did have an STD. Does that make them bad people? No, it doesn’t.
We wouldn’t judge a person for catching a sore throat, or an upset tummy, so why do we still insist on judging people for catching an STD?
I learned a valuable lesson that day, and if I ever find myself in that situation again, I will hold my head up high, and make eye contact. Truth be told, I probably won’t, but I sure as hell won’t be judging the other people there.
What do you think? Would you have felt uncomfortable in this situation? Do you think we judge others too harshly? Let me know in the comments 🙂
I have had to go to the GUM clinic for contraceptive reasons and not really ever worried too much about it. There were people in the waiting room and I must admit I did wonder what they could be there for but never really judged as such. I have watched a lot of TV shows so perhaps not shockable anymore. Plus totally agree everyone slips up now and then…contraception is obviously vital but not alway remembered in the moment!!! xx #sundaystars
When I say TV shows I mean the medical ones about sexual health!! You may wonder what I mean Debbie! haha 🙂 x
My reaction surprised me to be honest, if I had pictured going I wouldn't have expected being bothered!
I did wonder lol 🙂
What a fantastic post !!
Yes STD is still taboo and most people are shy talking about it.
Well done you for mentioning it and making us aware of being judgemental, even when we don't mean to be,
Thank you 🙂 Sometimes it's hard not to make judgements about someone with little to no information, but I think the important thing is to realise that is our problem, not theirs!
I think they are quite commonly combined these days – just one sexual health/GUM clinic that does both family planning & STDs. They certainly are round my way. I've also been for contraceptive reasons & actually didn't particularly worry what people thought. Find it impossible not to be a little curious about what others are there for, though. Especially as they have different doors and different coloured numbers for different things, but there is nothing to say what they relate to. & some people would get given massive amounts of paperwork to complete. Intriguing! I wouldn't say I was ever really judging though – just curious.
Funnily enough, I was never really bothered what people thought the times I actually went in there for contraception. But the sexual health clinic is opposite maternity in my local hospital, and there are two lifts opposite each other, so depending which lift you went in, maternity could be on your left or your right. A couple of times when I was taking my babies for newborn checks, I mixed up which lift I'd been in, turned the wrong way & went into the wrong department. THEN I worried what people would think! I became suddenly massively concerned that people might think 'oh my god she's got a 4 day old baby and an STD!' In all likelihood they actually thought 'she's clearly taken a wrong turn, oh yes, off she goes!'
I agree with you, we should try not to judge and stigmatise this area of health. Not least because the stigma discourages people from seeking treatment, and that perpetuates the problem as untreated people continue to spread the illnesses. Not to mention that some STDs can cause serious long term damage if left untreated. So what if STDs are sometimes (as you point out, not always) kind of people's own fault? As you say, we all make mistakes, and actually plenty of medical conditions people have are kind of their own fault, why single the sexual ones out to stigmatise? Great post. #anythinggoes
It's bizarre some of the thoughts that go through your head isn't it? I think in the lift situation you describe, it was probably pretty common that people wandered into the wrong department, but in that moment, you still feel like you're the only one!
That's a really good point about treatment. It must make it so hard to go get treated when you feel like everyone is judging you – perhaps the people who really can't help judging others should be judging the people who choose not to get treated and continue to spread their infection!
I agree with your last point too, why stigmatise sexual health yet not something else where a person had knowingly put themselves at risk!
Thanks for the fab comment 🙂
You always have the best writing subjects. Have you ever looked up statistics for STD's? It's shocking the ratio of people who have them to people who don't. I also read somewhere once that if you didn't have herpes in the 60's and 70's then you weren't having sex. It's sad really that people have to feel ashamed if they have something and ashamed if people are thinking they do. That's the taboo. Thanks for hostessing #AnythingGoes!
Thank you 🙂 I did read somewhere that 1 in 5 people under 30 in the UK have chlamydia at any one time. I didn't include it in the post because I can't remember where I saw it, so I have no idea whether it is accurate or not.
It is so sad, falling into that trap, however momentarily was got me to write this post and try to help lift the stigma!
Thanks for linking up 🙂
I was in this exact situation a few years ago and I was so paranoid that the whole waiting room was looking at me, judging me and then like yourself I though I should catch myself on. Who cares why I was there!? it's one of those things though isnt it #anythinggoes
It sure is! It wasn't a good feeling at all, but I do think I learned something from it, so it's not all bad 🙂
I had caught an STD (thankfully, a curable one) a long time ago because my boyfriend at the time had cheated on me. I didn't know I had it until I went to my annual GYN check up and then because that had come up, I chose to get tested for everything else under the sun (STD related). It was extremely embarrasing but because I needed my doctor to call my work to tell me the results, I let my boss know that I was expecting a call. Because I trusted him, I confided in him about it. Next thing I know, everyone at work assumed I had HIV and started calling me slut (behind my back of course because they weren't brave enough to tell me to my face). It was a harrowing experience and another reason I try my best not to judge people. Great post! Thanks for sharing! Visiting from #anythinggoes
Oh my god, I can't believe your boss would do that to you! I really hope he got fired! And yes, generally the people who believe and spread ridiculous rumours are too cowardly to actually ask you outright if it's true. Thank you for sharing your story here and thanks for linking up 🙂
I think I would have felt embarrassed at that clinic – there must be a way to keep specialised services but avoid uncomfortable waiting rooms?! #AnythingGoes
You would think so wouldn't you! Thanks for linking up 🙂
I think I would have felt uncomfortable and embarassed too. There is definitely a stigma attached to STDs. #AnythingGoes
There really is isn't there. I think if we talked about it more openly, eventually, that stigma would fade, but I think it would be hard to get to the point where everyone was openly talking about it. Thanks for linking up 🙂
Brilliant post. I have had to wait in a GUM clinic before and it really is so awkward and embarrassing. Why? There are loads of reasons people could be there and surely we're past the time when sex was shameful and dirty?
Thanks for sharing and thanks for hosting #AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 It's strange isn't it. We have definitely progressed from the time of sex being shameful, yet we still have this inbuilt awkwardness around sexual health. Thanks for linking up 🙂
I have never been in GUM clinic before but I would probably feel uncomfortable as well which is silly really. As you said we shouldn't judge a person because of having an STD. Great post. I like the controversy ones. Thanks for sharing and hosting #AnythingGoes, 🙂 xx
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It is silly, and my reaction did surprise me, but I hope I've learned from it. An STD can happen to anyone, and we really need to stop the stigma attached to them. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for linking up 🙂 x
I have had to get the morning after pill before and I went to a family planning clinic but I didn't really consider what others were there for. I had a friend who's parents didn't allow her to take the pill so she used to go there rather than her own doctors to prevent them from finding out. This is a thoughtful post and there shouldn't be such a stigma attached. As you suggest people need to go for many different reasons.
Janet
#anything goes
ramblesrantswritings.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you 🙂 There are many different reasons people could be there, and we should definitely be working towards removing the stigma attached to these clinics! Thanks for linking up 🙂
I would have tried not to judge, but unfortunately I would have probably assumed those waiting had the cooties and would have been embarrassed thinking they probably were thinking the same. To be honest, it's amazing that I never caught anything during my 20's. Good thing those days are behind me
It's hard not to sometimes isn't it? Lol, i'm glad to hear you survived your 20s! Thanks for linking up 🙂
I suspect I would have felt equally uncomfortable, which is ridiculous when you think about it, although I wouldn't have judged, I would just have assume everyone else was as embarrassed as me. These ingrained perceptions are hard to shift, but we really should be more open minded. Thanks for hosting x
It is ridiculous isn't it – I've never sat in the drs surgery wondering what other people are thinking, yet I could just as easily be there for an STD related matter. We need to remove the stigmas, and like you say, become more open minded! Thanks for linking up 🙂 x
I wish they were not such a stigma still because the best thing is information and people getting treatment soon so they don't spread. Great post. We need these conversations more often.
Yes, while these conditions are still so stigmatized, people are so much less likely to seek treatment. Thank you and thanks for linking up 🙂
Brillian post! I don't know what will be my reaction if I'll be in that situation. It's terrible when people tend to judge others when they don't know the whole story…. #AnythingGoes
I definitely didn't expect my reaction to be what it was, because usually I don't care what people think! Yes, it's so important not to judge people until you know their story. Thanks for linking up 🙂
Yes, I would have been embarrassed in that situation too. I think if you had known where you were going in advance, you would have had your mindset & not have been shocked when you walked in. It is funny how STD's are still so taboo. Great, thought provoking post as always! #AnythingGoes x
I think you're right, if they had told me it was a GUM clinic, I would have known what to expect! Thank you and thanks for linking up 🙂 x
I would have felt uncomfortable as well, especially since your were sort of blindsided by the type of facility that it was. I like your final outlook on the whole thing. Who are we to judge anyone? Like you said, there's no way to know the stories behind the reasons for people visiting the clinic. It's not our place to judge at all. Thanks so much for hosting #AnythingGoes!!!
Yes, it was a definite gulp moment lol. If I ever have to go again, at least now I'll know what to expect. And no, it really isn't our place to judge! Thanks for linking up 🙂
I went to the old Family Planning clinics and that was in the same building. I never really thought about why everyone else was there tbh. I just read my book #anythinggoes
I think a book or magazine to read would have made me feel a lot better, something to look at! There's only so long you can twiddle with a phone! Thanks for linking up 🙂
I agree we shouldn't be judging one another as we have no idea what reason people are at the clinic. I once had an awful experience were my X-husband was applying for his visa and the immigration wrote to us and said no because he was HIV positive and i freaked out. It turned out they had mixed him up but for a while it was a very frightening prospect.
Angela xx #anythinggoes
Oh my god, you must have been terrified! That's one hell of a mistake on the person checking these things, I hope you got an apology! Thanks for sharing your experience and for linking up 🙂
You're so right. I'd have been the same, I'd have sat right in the corner and held a magazine over my face. haha 🙂 Im not sure why we worry about what others think of us and as you say #TwinklyTuesday xx
Lol, if I'd have had one, I think I would have too!
Brilliant post, as usual! As you said, it isn't a situation one consciously thinks about reacting to … until they have to. Love the over all lesson here about non-judgement, bravo to you for acknowledging that and thank you for reminding us. #anythinggoes
Thank you 🙂 If someone had asked me previously how I would have reacted, I would have said I wouldn't be bothered, and I really didn't think I would be until it happened! Thanks for linking up 🙂
Great post….you make a lot of very good points. There is still so much shame associated with STDs…There's so much shame associated with sex. It's absolutely not right, but when women or men are cheated on they feel immense shame, so add an STD on top of that and goodness I can't imagine! #brillantblogposts
Thank you 🙂 Yes, I think catching an STD off someone who cheated on you really is like one last kick in the teeth!
It's a difficult one isn't it. I can imagine no one knew where to look and it would be interesting to know what they lads there thought you were there for. Thought provoking stuff, and possibly a generational issue
It is, I really wish I would have been brave enough to ask them but I think that would have been a whole new level of awkward! Good point, I think teens and people in their early 20s are much more aware of their sexual health and more open about it.
Oh it's so difficult not to judge and look, but then people judge and look at you when you know you are there for nothing more than contraception. I remember going with my friends to get the pill at uni and being shocked at the conversations. Maybe I'm just a prude as we should talk about it, that's what helps stop these things spreading! #effitfriday
It really is hard not to! I agree, the more we talk about it, the less stigma is attached which in turn means people are more likely to protect themselves. Thanks for hosting 🙂
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