Why Is Slut Shaming Still Ok?

Why is slut shaming still ok?

Perhaps the more obvious question here is why is slut shaming even a thing?

Why do we, as a society think it is ok to label someone based solely on who they choose to sleep with?

I use the same argument for this as I use for gay rights – if you aren’t directly involved, why the hell do you care who someone else is having sex with.

If a woman chooses to have sex with a different man each night, unless one of those men is your husband/boyfriend, why is it any of your concern?

As a barmaid, I find my life is generally open for discussion by the regular customers, including who I do (or more often don’t but they think I do) have sex with.

Seriously, you can’t have male friends or even acquaintances without someone putting 2 and 2 together and getting 75!

I would say that 99% of the time, they are wrong about the people I am supposed to be having sex with. Luckily for me, I’m not someone who gets upset by it. I find it hilarious for the most part, and it’s always interesting to hear what you got up to the night before. I suppose I should be flattered these people have nothing better to talk about than who I may or may not be having sex with.

I can see why some people would be annoyed or upset by this, but for the most part, its harmless. Its a group of kind of sad people having a bit of a gossip. They don’t even get judgemental, they just like to think they know things before other people.

Where I think this takes a dark turn is when the derogatory terms start. When women start being labelled slut, slag, whore because they enjoy a healthy sex life.

News flash: Women enjoy sex!

There is no reason why a woman should be shamed for enjoying sex. It is essentially something that is meant to be pleasurable. If you weren’t supposed to enjoy it, it wouldn’t feel good. Honestly ladies, own your pleasure with a partner, toys, a lube, whatever you fancy. Forget what anyone else thinks. If you want to use  a sexual aid such as china shrink cream or get a piercing down there to change things up a bit, then why shouldn’t you go for it? The world is your oyster as the saying goes.

It’s an age old argument, but it still bugs me that men who sleep around are celebrated, whilst women who do the same are shamed.

The main worrying thing about slut shaming though, is, in my experience, woman are by far the worst culprits for slut shaming other women.

I’m sure it happens, but I am yet to sit in male company and hear them bitching about women, calling them sluts and whores, yet I hear this all too often from groups of women.

Surely, as grown women, we should be above this school yard behaviour. We should be happy that women have the freedom to have sex with whoever they want to. At the very least, we should mind our own businesses.

If penguins slut shamed this is how it would look!

The victim of their derision often doesn’t even have to be sleeping around. She could have simply been flirting with a man, be seen to have too many male friends, or wear a short dress.

And heaven help a woman if a man someone else fancies has a thing for her. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, and nothing comes of it, she will now be branded a slut.

Here is an example of when it is ok to slut shame a woman:

That’s right, its blank. Because it’s never ok.

Aside from the fact it is offensive, how can we, as woman treat each with such a lack of respect and then expect men to respect us?

The simple answer is, we can’t.

We are sending a message loud and clear that a woman who enjoys sex, or has a lot of sex for whatever reason, is somehow less deserving of respect than a woman who is more conservative.

We are sending the message that it is ok to use her physically because having sex is what defines her. If that is not feeding the rape culture, I don’t know what is.

When a woman is labelled as easy, it becomes easier for a certain type of man to assume she is “up for it” and if he then finds that actually she isn’t, it leads to all kinds of problems.

I know this an extreme example, and that calling a woman a slut doesn’t necessarily mean she will be raped down the line, but it can happen. If it happens to one woman, then it is one woman too many.

Also, it can have a massively detrimental effect on a woman’s self esteem. If she hears these comments on a regular basis, she may start to believe she is not worth respect, and is only to be used a sexual play thing.

Some people will come back with “she shouldn’t be sleeping about if she doesn’t want to be called a slut”.

Why shouldn’t she?

Are these people who slut shame really that arrogant that they think it is their right to label others and put them down?

That they are somehow the special ones who get to decide on whether or not someone else is worthy of basic respect?

In short, if you wouldn’t want your mother/daughter/sister/friend to be labelled as a slut, you shouldn’t be doing it to anyone else. Ever.

There is a huge difference between slut shaming and intervening with a friend or family member if you feel their behaviour has gone past enjoying sex and is becoming unhealthy.

I still believe it is not our right to judge someone else for their sexual choices, but if you have a genuine concern, then I don’t think it is a problem to approach the person in a tactful, concerned manner and find out if there is something else going on that is making them behave this way, especially if it is out of character for them.

What do you think? Should women be allowed the freedom to have sex with whoever they want to or should they be more conservative? Have you ever been slut shamed or have you slut shamed someone else? I would love to hear your views on this in the comments section 🙂