That’s it, the best piece of advice I think anyone can ever take – stop putting yourself down.
We all have plenty of haters who are willing to do this for us.
Why should we make it easy for them by believing it to the point that we actually join in?
By putting yourself down, you are telling others it’s ok to put you down.
And it’s not ok. It’s never ok.
In an ideal world, we should all be raising each other up rather than knocking each other down, but it’s not an ideal world, and there will always be someone who gets their kicks from being horrible to other people in an attempt to make themselves look good.
Why should you agree and validate their belief that behaviour like that is acceptable?
You don’t have to be put down for someone else’s ego boost or entertainment or whatever it is these people get out of it.
And every time you put yourself down, you are letting someone like this, some bully, think it’s ok to put you down.
If someone compliments you, don’t argue with them. Say thank you.
I know it’s ingrained in us here in the UK (and I’m sure other places too) to be humble and not blow your own trumpet. That’s ok, I’m not asking you to start telling everyone how great you are, just stop doing the opposite.
You can be modest and still accept that you have good points.
If you really can’t bear to not put yourself down for your own benefit, then consider it from the view point of your friends, family, partner, colleagues etc.
These people like and respect you. They think you are someone worthy of their time.
Every time you put yourself down, or refuse to accept a compliment you’re telling them, and anyone else who may be listening, that they are a bad judge of character.
It’s a bit of a kick in the teeth if a friends says “I love your dress,’ and you say “This old thing, I don’t really like it.”
You’re telling your friend you think they have poor taste. How much nicer would it be to smile and say thank you. Maybe even say you like something of theirs.
So please, for the sake of your own sense of self worth (or for your friends if you really can’t do it for yourself), stop putting yourself down.
You matter. You are important. You deserve to be happy.
And the sooner you stop putting yourself down, the sooner you will see it too.
Do you put yourself down? Are you good at accepting compliments? Let me know in the comments 🙂
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great post. I know several people that do this often. I’m never sure if they are looking for someone to disagree with them or if they have just become so used to self depreciation that they don’t even notice it anymore. Its sad, regardless
Thank you 🙂 Yeah sometimes people are just fishing for compliments but you’re right, that’s still kind of sad that their self esteem is so low they feel they have to do that.
it can be a real chore to be around people like that sometimes. I had an ex that I probably would have stayed with much longer if it wasn’t for her constant putting herself down. it got exhausting
Yes, it gets to the point where you get sick of trying to convince someone they aren’t whatever negative thing they are saying.
Great advice for everyone. We all do it.
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We do, and it’s got to stop! Thank you 🙂
Great post. I must admit I’m awful at accepting compliments. #binkylinky lifeinthemumslane
Honestly, me too, but it’s something I’m working on!
I do this all the time, especially in my blog, but it’s difficult to see the humour in bigging yourself up. My comfort zone is definitely when the joke’s on me and I’m laughing at my own failings. Unfortunately I think some people do think I sound a bit morose though (I have had family members read my posts and then contact my mum to check I’m OK!) You are right about compliments though. I used to think it was modest and polite to say “oh this old thing..” but now I try to just accept the compliment. #effitfriday
It is hard to change your mind set, because it is easier to put yourself down than to not sometimes. I’m still quite uncomfortable with compliments but it’s something I’m working on.
Excellent post! Self love is so important and yes, it is so ingrained NOT to accept compliments. I actually get tongue tied when paid a compliment. I like how you turned the whole concept round on its head from seeing from another person’s point of view.
Thank you 🙂 I’m not great at accepting compliments, but it’s something I’m working on, and I found thinking of it from the point of view of the person giving the compliment really helped me with it.
It does for me as well. Thanks for hosting #anythinggoes
You’re welcome, thanks for linking up 🙂
This is me! I’m always putting my self down and can never take a compliment! More recently though I am starting to realise how much I am worth 😍
I’m so glad you are realising how much you are worth. Accept those compliments 🙂
Brilliant advice for everyone here thanks for linking to the Binkylinky
The world would be a nicer place if we all stop doing this great post Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
It really would 🙂 Thank you and thanks for hosting
There’s a great Ted talk on the subject where the presenter gives the analogy of how if we cut ourselves by accident most people don’t go sticking a finger in the wound to make it worse. So why do we do it when it comes to our mental health?
https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene/transcript?language=en
#BinkyLinky
That’s a brilliant analogy, and when you think of it that way, it really makes you see how damaging negative thoughts can be. Thanks for sharing the Ted Talk 🙂
I used to be horrible at taking a compliment but I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older that it’s ok to like a good compliment and say thank you. Let’s face it if the person giving the compliment is taking the time to put it out there then the least I can do is say thank you and smile. Thanks for hostessing #AnythingGoes! I’ve been out of the loop of linking up.
That’s true, it makes the other person feel way better if someone just says thank you than if they argue and the person ends up having to defend the compliment! Nice to have you back 🙂 Thanks for linking up
You make great points as usual – great post (be gracious and accept this compliment, lol) Accepting compliments sometimes embarrasses me but it is nice to get them once in a while! I will certainly be thinking about it more now. #AnythingGoes
Thank you (lol I did it!) 😉 I do find it awkward accepting compliments too but it’s something I’m working on!
It took me a long time to accept myself but I also never put myself down in front of other people. I kept that stuff to myself and am only now talking about how bad my self-esteem actually was but I also had a hard time accepting compliments. I’m in a different place now where I love myself and respect myself enough to not even put myself down to myself. Every time I start to think negative thoughts about myself, I remind myself how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown and that really helps squash all the negativity. This is such an important post for all of us to read and really take it in. #anythinggoes
I’m so glad you’ve realised how awesome you are Michelle! I love the way you switch negative thoughts for positive ones 🙂 Thank you
This is something I have gradually learnt over the years. I can accept a compliment now with a gracious thank you and am far less openly critical of myself. #anythinggoes
That’s great 🙂 I think over time we learn not to be so quick to judge ourselves so harshly.
I have got better at this as I have got older but living in Holland has helped too. You are definitely right that it is a cultural thing. The Dutch are much better at accepting compliments they just say thanks they don’t do that British thing; ” I like your coat. ” “Oh, this it’s really old.”
I would say that it starts with the kids who are brought up to have an opinion and give it, not to think adults are always right, so they seem to have more confidence and self worth.
Yeah I think we are one of the few European nations who are still so into putting ourselves down. I love that children are encouraged to have an opinion, it sounds like a lovely place to raise kids 🙂
Amen to that! I’ve definitely been my own biggest critic over the years and it’s taken an act of will to stop putting down my work, opinions and everything else! #AnythingGoes
It’s hard isn’t it. I’m pleased to hear you’re in a place where you no longer do that 🙂
I used to, but even if I don’t always ‘accept’ it internally I’m much better at accepting praise and compliments these days. x #anythinggoes
That’s a good point – it gets easier to say the right thing but sometimes you still don’t believe them. It always seems easier to believe the bad bits x
I feel so uplifted after reading this. I am always putting myself down, I am ok at accepting compliments but on the inside I don’t really believe them. It is strange so many of us do this, I don’t really like arrogant people but surely there is a nice little place in the middle? If people compliment my clothes I always say thanks and tell them where it’s from, no idea why I do that!xx #anythinggoes
This is really good advice, Debbie. I can be guilty of not accepting a compliment – someone once said – just say thank you. I think that’s what everyone should do. I don’t know why people feel that they can’t accept a compliment or even put themselves down. We should just say thank you & hold our head high as you say x #AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 I’ve struggled with it too, but I’m working on it, and it does get easier x
I love this. Your post completely motivated me to start being kinder to myself! My mind is always reeling, and thoughts often enter that are along the lines of “You should have done it THIS way instead!” or “Why did you say/do that?!” I’m very critical of myself, and I have been trying to turn my thoughts down a bit in general. I tend to overthink things, and I think that’s what causes a lot of my self-doubt sometimes. Thanks for this post, Deb. I needed to read this! #AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 I’m really glad it’s helped you. Remember, you rock! Don’t let anyone (even yourself) tell you otherwise!
I am really guilty of this. I pretty much have to preface everything positive thing I say about myself or every achievement with a reason why it’s not as good as it sounds! I am getting better though 🙂 #AnythingGoes
It’s sad how easy we find it to put ourselves down! I’m glad you’re getting better at not doing it 🙂
Very well said. It is so easy to forget that actually it is insulting to those who compliment you to not accept their words graciously. #anythinggoes
Thank you 🙂 Yes, it’s easy to forget how it feels to be the one giving the compliment and end up being made to feel bad
Great advice as we all do it, but sometimes it’s nice to just take the compliment and enjoy it!
Thank you 🙂 Yes, it’s easier said than done sometimes, but it is nice to just enjoy it!
We all need a reminder like this one every now and then. Thank you. We shouldn’t put ourselves down. I read another mums blog who wrote down all the things she did well so as to not focus on the things she didn’t do so well. I thought that was an awesome idea! #AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 That’s a great idea, something positive to look at if you’re having a bad day
Returning from #anythinggoes Thanks for hosting. xx
You’re welcome, thanks for linking up 🙂 x
I love this Debbie, I read something about what you said about accepting compliments way back when I was 21 and I am always mindful now to just accept compliments!
Thank you 🙂 It can be hard to accept compliments, but it usually ends up more awkward when you try to deflect them.
Ha ha this is so me and you are so right, I am rubbish at taking compliments especially professionally. I won team member of the year in Jan out of a distribution team with more than 200 people in it. Have I sung about it, have I even mentioned it since in reviews or achievements. No. Your post has made me think twice. Thank you for hosting #AnythingGoes xx
Well done, that’s a fantastic achievement, you should be proud of yourself. Shout it from the rooftops! Thanks for linking up 🙂