Spam Bots: How Not To Get Your Comment Approved

I’m sure everyone in the blogosphere has come across spam bots at some point. Those annoying little programs that try to get comments posted on blogs to gain back links to their random (and often very weird) sites.

What I cannot understand about spam bots is how they expect to get any of their ridiculous comments published anywhere.

For starters, any spam filter will flag them up. Now even if you don’t have a spam filter, assuming you read your comments, you would spot them a mile off. They are always irrelevant to the topic and usually the grammar and spelling is pretty bad too.

I can never fathom why they don’t just say something like “Great post, I loved it.” Yes it’s generic, yes most bloggers will realise this, but there’s at least a chance some people won’t. The ones they leave are so ridiculous anyone would know they were spam.

So I thought I would write a little guide for the spam bots on mistakes they are making when trying to get their comments approved.

This is a pretty safe move as it’s obvious no one programming these things read any of the posts on any blogs anyway. It’s just a bit of fun that I think most of us bloggers will be able to relate to.

All of these are from actual comments spam bots have tried to leave on my blog.

I know I should hate them more, but for the most part (unless they are sales related), they tend to make me laugh.

It only takes a second to delete them but I think I would be way more annoyed if I didn’t have a spam filter and they ended up visible to people before I got them deleted.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 1

Leaving a comment saying the video was very informative but the post needed more text. It was a text only post with no hint of a video.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 2

Trying to promote hard core porn on a post about Harry Potter. It’s a mistake anywhere really (except maybe other porn sites) but on a Harry Potter post? Really? If I didn’t know better I’d say this one was a genuine wind-up.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 3

Having two or more of your spam bots having a conversation with each other in the comments – about something totally unrelated to the post. I have had the merits of various insurance policies and most recently, a comparison between gem stones in jewellery. Neither of which I have ever wrote about.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 4

Using my comments section to try to sell me followers. Firstly, I am not desperate enough to need to buy followers. Secondly, even if I was I am hardly going to have that conversation in my blog’s comments section. Actually, trying to sell me anything in blog comments is inappropriate, but the followers one is one I get a lot. I must come across as lonely or something.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 5

Telling me my SEO is off and I need to visit their site to put it right. Then proceeding to list what they think I should be doing. All of which I am doing. What’s particularly annoying about this one is they don’t even get it right – they miss out a few important points.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 6

Telling me they want to follow me but they can’t find out how to. I have follow buttons about 2cm away from the body of the post in my side bar. It’s really not that difficult to find them.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 7

Leaving a comment telling me you like my blog but it’s full of spelling mistakes – using the worst grammar I have seen in a while. I told a friend about this one and she actually went and read the post they left the comment on and said there weren’t any mistakes anyway. Here is the actual comment as it was written so you can fully appreciate the irony:

“of course like your web-site but you have test the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to inform the reality nevertheless I’ll certainly come again again”

I’m not saying I’m perfect, I would be amazed if there wasn’t the odd typo but I hardly think my blog is “rife” with them. Spam bot – please feel free to not inform the reality. I don’t know who the reality is but I’m betting they won’t care. Don’t bother coming again again.

For the record, I’m not a grammar Nazi. If someone leaves a genuine comment I wouldn’t dream of highlighting a mistake.

Spam Bots Mistake Number 8

Leaving a comment thanking me for my thoughts on a front loading washing machine (on a post about promoting your blog). I have an opinion on most things, but washers aren’t really one of them.

I’ve had so many funny spam bot comments, I wish I could remember some more, but I didn’t start making a note of the better ones until the start of the month when I decided to write this post.

Do you get a lot of spam bots or am I somehow attracting them? I would love to know if it’s just me or not.

This probably goes without saying, but I would just like to point out that I do appreciate every single genuine comment. Thank you to everyone who ever leaves one, you all make my day.

If you do get spam bot comments, why not share some of the funny ones in the comments below 🙂

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