As a writer, unless you only ever write on your own site, you will, at some point, face rejection.
It can be soul destroying when you’ve spent hours, maybe even weeks in the case of a novel, pouring your heart onto a page just for someone to come along and say they don’t like it.
Not only can be it be upsetting, but it can also massively shake your confidence and make you feel as though your writing isn’t good enough.
No longer do you read “Thank you for your submission, unfortunately we can’t take this further at this time” to mean that they’re overloaded already, or it just wasn’t for them.
You start to read it as:
“You’re not good enough.”
“You suck.”
“Why are you even bothering?”
When it gets to that point, it can be dangerous and if you let those thoughts spiral out of control, you risk reaching the place where you will never write again.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Here are some tips on how to overcome rejection as a writer:
Remember, It’s Only Someone’s Opinion
Have you ever read a bestselling book that everyone’s raving about and got to the end and realised you didn’t really think it was all that? That doesn’t mean the book isn’t good. It doesn’t mean it isn’t successful. It just means it isn’t to your taste.
Often, in the case of an article or book you wrote being rejected, that’s all that’s happened. The piece wasn’t to the person’s taste.
Of course if you’ve done your research before submitting your piece (and if you haven’t, then naturally you’re going to get a lot of rejections – submitting the next big romance saga isn’t going to win you any prizes if the person you submit it to only deals with hard core horror) then you know the person in question has an interest in your piece.
It could just be a simple case of that particular person not liking the story, or the characters, or any one of a million things. This doesn’t mean your piece is bad. It just means the person rejecting it didn’t love it enough to work with it.
And that’s ok. If you are submitting a novel to a literary agent, you don’t want someone who thinks your book idea is ok. You want someone who loves it, who will champion it, and who will sing it’s praises at every opportunity. This person is out there. You just haven’t found them yet.
It Happens To Us All
When you get your first rejection, your third rejection, and your twelfth rejection, it can be easy to feel like giving up. Remember that every writer faces this. Even Harry Potter got rejected before J K Rowling found the agent who would go on to make her millions.
If you get rejected, you’re up there with the greats. When they started out, chances out they were an unheard of new writer in a sea full of experienced, best selling writers. Just like you are now. And the difference between those experienced, best selling authors and those who don’t make it is quite often one key thing; they didn’t give up.
They brushed the rejection off, and carried on. They fought for their book, and continued to submit it until eventually, the magic happened and they found that person who read it and knew it could be big.
Keep going. You will find that person. And until you do, don’t settle for second best.
Rejection Forces You To Grow As A Writer
Not many agents will give feedback as to why they rejected your manuscript. Partly because they don’t have time, partly because it opens a can of worms, and partly because they don’t really care about hurting your feelings.
Over time though, if you are getting rejection after rejection, you do have to reach the point where you look back over that manuscript, the one you fell in love with, and ask yourself what you need to change to give it the wow factor.
You might think you won’t find anything. Trust me, you will.
You will see the plot holes and the little mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up about them, fix them and resubmit your manuscript. If necessary, contact a professional editor or proof reader. They will often spot the little things you hadn’t even noticed and make your story really pop.
It Also Forces You To Grow As A Person
Rejection toughens us up. You will learn, in time, to brush it off. If there’s any genuine advice, take it and move on. If there isn’t, just move on.
It’s that simple.
It can and will teach you the harsh lesson that not everyone will love your writing. Not everyone will think you’re a superstar in the making. And you will also learn that that’s ok. It can be a hard lesson to learn, but once you really accept it, then you are setting yourself free.
You are now free to write whatever you choose, without fearing rejection. You are free to find the working relationship that excites you and motivates you to be better.
You are free of fear, and fear is the biggest creativity killer out there.
It’s Ok To Cry!
This might sound counter productive and a bit contradictory to what I’ve said so far, but you know what? You’re human and rejection will hurt. And it’s ok to admit it.
Own the feeling, cry, scream, curse and get angry. Do whatever you need to do to move past the negativity.
Then send a polite thank you for your consideration email (you never know when you might want to submit something else to that agent) and then move on.
Let go of the negativity and move on to bigger and better things.
Most Importantly, Never Give Up
I can’t stress this one enough. Rejection can make us feel like giving up. Resist that feeling. Remember why you started writing in the first place, and hold on to that.
Strive to make it happen, or change tactics completely.
However you choose to move forward, that’s the key. Moving forward. Let’s face it, if getting a book deal, or a column in Vogue was easy, everyone would do it.
The people who actually do it are the ones who didn’t give. They are the ones who kept moving forward, even when it was the hardest thing they’d ever done.
Be that person. Be the person who embraces difficulty and throws it out of the ball park. Be the person who laughs at the fences in your way and scales them as though they aren’t there. Be the person who breaks the barriers and gets it done.
Have you ever faced rejection as a writer? How did you deal with it? Let me know in the comments π
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Eileen Doyon
What an awesome read for life as well…..thank you for sharing!!!!!
The Silver Fox
Some great advice there! Also, I loved the accompanying illustration for “It’s Ok to Cry!”
Debbie, My Random Musings
Thank you π It sums up how we feel sometimes when the next rejection lands haha!
Claire at Life Love and Dirty Dishes
I think this applies to any kind of rejection in life. Have a cry, call them some names ;), learn from it, and move on. Thanks for housting #bloggerclubuk
Debbie, My Random Musings
Thank you π Yes, there’s a lot of situations where that can work out!
Intrepid bebe
Great advice, and applicable to life as much as writing π #bloggersclubuk
Wandermust mummy
Great advice #ukbloggersclub
Tooting Mama
Thank you. Writing is an artform and open to criticism and like you say it’s only someone’s opinion. I guess I need to grow a thick skin! Thanks for the reassurance! #bloggerclubuk
Debbie, My Random Musings
I think as writers we do need thick skins. For everyone that loves our work, there will be people who don’t – and it’s always the ones who don’t that seem to stick in our minds!
Baby Loves Travel
Some good tips here #BloggerClubUK
Karen - The Allergy Mum
I struggle with rejection in general, but I’m trying to not let it hold me back. Thanks for sharing your experience. #BloggerClubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
It is hard isn’t it! As you say, it’s about trying not to let it hold you back.
Briony
This is so true. Not just for writers but lot stands up just for any kind of rejection. Gotta keep going! #bloggerclubuk
Debbie, My Random Musings
You sure do!
justsayingmum
I think the point you make about never giving up is a valid one. I have a novel that I need to finish and start sending out to try and get an agent – I need to embrace the process! #BloggerClubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
Oh, good luck with the novel! Go for it! I personally think the first rejection is the worst – after that, it gets easier!
Nicole - Tales from Mamaville
Loved reading this post. I guess it applies to life in general as well. Thanks for sharing.
#BloggerClubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
Thank you π
Laurie
Thank you for writing this!! I get so wrapped up in rejection, will try and remember some of these points next time #BloggerClubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
I hope it helps!
kristin mccarthy
Great tips…but MAN does it cut like a knife still.
#bloggerclubuk
Kellie - Hooray for Moms
Great advice! Rejection is never easy, but you can never give up if you want to succeed!
#bloggerclubuk
Kirsty - Winnettes
Rejection can be so hard to take in all aspects of life. Never giving up is so important! Rejection is no reason to stop but to pick yourself up and try again. Lovely post.
#BloggerClubUK
Laura Beresford
I think crying is great for releasing stress and then you dust yourself down and don’t give up #bloggerclubuk
Chloe
Hi, great advice which is also applicable to everyday life. Rejection is never easy but you can learn from it and turn it into a positive. Indeed we should never give up, Chloe #bloggerclubuk
Anne - Just Only Home
Rejection is hard to accept no matter what it is about. Especially if it’s something that you really have to pour yourself into like writing. Great advice!
Barrie Bismark
Great post! Rejection is tough. In writing and in life!
#bloggerclubuk
Zoe
Some great tips here. Applicable to life, not just life as an author! My dad always used to say “rejection isn’t failure unless you give up- it’s only when we stop trying that we have failed” #Bloggerclubuk
Debbie, My Random Musings
Love that philosophy – so true!
Paula from Her Life Is Love
I just recently made my own site for writing and it is a lot of fun. I look forward to trying my hand at writing longer pieces and expect the inevitable rejections that will come. I appreciate the reminders you have listed here. #bloggerclubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
Good luck with it – don’t let any rejections slow you down!
suz
Rejection is a tough one to handle. The first is the worst. After that, it gets easier to move on – after lots of swearing! Maybe I’m just stubborn lol.
#bloggerclubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
The first time is definitely the worst! Swearing is a good way to deal with it too!
Becca Farrelly
There are so many different things in life that this can be relevant for. When I started blogging it was hard to find out I had missed out on opportunities or reviews of products I was really interested in and then seeing other people doing them instead but I soon learnt that it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough and you should give up trying, it just means you weren’t 100% what that 1 person was looking for and that’s 1 person out of millions more! π
#BloggerClubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
It does get easier with time and I completely agree that it just means you weren’t what that one person was looking for – the next person might be totally looking for you!
Jo @ Rejecting Routine
It’s so hard not to take it personally, especially when you’ve put so much effort into something. Like you said we all have very different tastes and I need to remember that!
Debbie, My Random Musings
It is hard sometimes but it’s important not to give up because of one person’s opinion!
Helena
Rejection doesn’t just appear in writing. These points are valid for many other situations in life. I particularly love that you point out to own your feelings surely it’s unhealthy not to. #bloggerclubuk
Debbie, My Random Musings
So true!
Madeline (This Glorious Life)
Really good advice here, not just for writers but for all creatives. We really do need to keep in mind that a lot of the time it does come down to a matter of taste. x #BloggerClubUK
Mymummymanual
Great advice thanks ππ» X #BloggerClubUK
Carol Cameleon
I think that’s the most important point – never, ever give up! Belief and perserverence! #bloggerclubuk
Susie at This Is Me Now
Some good advice here! I’m trying to start out as a freelancer and waiting for the rejections!! #BloggerClubUK
Debbie, My Random Musings
Good luck π After a while it gets to the point where you just shrug and move on!
Mudpie Fridays
Lovely and inspiring post lovely. Good point about JK Rowling. I have not had rejection of actual writing yet, but I often get rejection from a campaign or blog pitch. So can totally relate to this. x
Debbie, My Random Musings
Thank you π Yeah it can totally relate to pitching too – it’s still so disheartening at times! x
A S,Edinburgh
Brilliant advice, thank you!
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