Grief is a funny thing isn’t it? It affects everyone differently and it can rear its ugly head long after you tell yourself you’re “over it”. The truth is, when a loved one dies, you never really get over it. You just learn to deal with it better – to remember the good times instead of the bad, and to smile at the memories you got to make with the person rather than being sad about the ones you hadn’t made yet.
If you’re experiencing grief, even if it’s a long time since the person passed away, know that this is normal and you are not alone in your feelings.
Below are five things you can try to help you through your grief:
Let Yourself Feel Your Feelings
You don’t have to always be the strong one. It’s ok to let go and have a cry or a rage or whatever you need to do to get the feelings you have out. Trying to swallow back your feelings will only hurt you more in the long term.
It’s ok to be sad, and it’s ok to be angry. You might even feel angry at the person who has died because they’ve left you behind. Again, it’s ok to feel this way. You might think it makes you a terrible person – well it doesn’t. It makes you human.
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings lets you move on in time.
Do Something Practical
When my grandmother passed away two years ago, she had been ill for almost a year. That was a year of visiting her in hospital daily while still working full time and running my blog. It was hard, but it gave me something to focus on, a way to occupy my mind.
When she died, there was suddenly this huge chunk of time that I didn’t know how to fill. Instead of letting that time be a reminder of what I would have been doing if she was still with us, I used that time to do something practical.
First, it was all about the funeral arrangements and things that need doing after a person passes away. And then I threw myself into writing. Anything to fill the time and do something.
Talk About the Person
You might find that your friends and family don’t really know what to say to you, and they will go to extreme lengths to avoid bringing up the person you’ve lost. This isn’t them not caring, it’s them trying not to upset you.
But sometimes, you just need to talk about the person, to share your memories of them, to laugh at something you’ve always laughed about together.
If you’re worried about upsetting anyone else by talking about the person, talk to one of your friends or family members who didn’t know the person. Or consider talking to a grief counsellor.
Do Something in Their Name
It can be hard to find the motivation to get on with your life and do new things when you’ve lost someone. You might feel guilty that you’re moving on, like you’re forgetting them, or you might just feel like you don’t have the energy to do something right now, even though deep down you know it would be the best thing for you.
Why not dedicate whatever you need to do to the person you’ve lost? This will give you the motivation to get it done.
There are many ways you can honour the person. Maybe you could do a sponsored event in their name and give the money you raise to their favourite charity or the hospital or hospice that helped them towards the end.
Talk to Them
This might feel strange at first, but if you feel like there are things you needed to say that didn’t get said, say them now. You can talk out loud to the person, or you can write it down in a letter to them.
Having something left unsaid can make the grieving process even harder, particularly if there had been an argument or something just before their death. If this is the case, know that the person knew you loved them, just like you know that they loved you.
You have to find a way to let the guilt you might be feeling go or it will eat away at you. Talking to the person, either in person or in a letter, can help you to acknowledge those feelings and then let them go.
What have you found helped you through grief? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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Disclaimer: This post isn’t intended to be medical advice. If grief is affecting you or a loved one, don’t be ashamed to seek professional help. Call someone like Cruse Bereavement Care for help and advice.
This is a collaborative post.
This is a timely post for me. I’ve been plotting something to do in my brother’s name recently and have an idea.
Oh good luck with it!